I just came from a friend’s blog. She lost her husband last year and is struggling through her first holidays without him. I remember well those self-same holidays and how difficult they were.
To say there were tears is an understatement.
Anyway, it would seem that her husband has been leaving her signs. They have been subtle, but plentiful, leaving her to believe that his presence is still there and guiding her. Before you poo-poo the idea, ask around to see how many other people have similar stories of their own. I think you might be surprised. Even I have my stories, and to me anyway, they are proof aplenty.
This time of year always seems to be a time of change. As the new year approaches, I generally look to the year ahead and try to set goals for what the year might hold. It hasn’t ever been the ill-conceived “lose weight”, “get healthy/join a gym” or “quit smoking”. Lucky me, I’ve never smoked! Make that smart me I suppose, as how many smokers struggle to quit once, twice or multiple times before they are ever successful. I still have quiet resolutions of a sort though that I try to work on.
This year is no different.
A few years ago I set myself the goal to make a career out of writing. I dedicated an office space in my house and turned my mindset to being a “Writer”. And it worked, if you can believe it. I already had a client that I had previously worked with sniffing around, but by the time spring rolled around other new clients had emerged. By the end of the year, there were even more.
So what of this year? To be honest, I am waffling. This past year my client list dwindled. I have said to myself that it is an opportunity that I can exploit, but my inner critic is poking holes in my optimism. I can finish my books (yup, there are two of them languishing on my hard drive), start querying magazines by the droves, and take the opportunity to do some serious networking to perhaps drum up new clients. Yes, yes, and yes!
That devil of doubt is counting pennies though and painting a rather bleak and impoverished future. Damn you! Like I need that kind of kick in the teeth. She has even infected my dreamscape, leaving images that I would rather not consider. She would have me return to previous jobs, regardless of the fact that the salaries there weren’t exactly through the roof either. Cunning shrew reminds me of the positives that drew me there in the first place. And when I awake I am set to wondering.
But my dreams have been fighting back the last couple of days in the early hours of morning. As I have rolled lazily over in bed, topics to write about have been swirling around amongst the vestiges of my visions. It has been so obvious that the topic that my sleep rocked me with could make an excellent article, if spun appropriately. And I have even had ideas of where I could potentially query those articles to as well. That is usually the hardest part of the whole process for me.
So what do I make of all this? Should I pursue previous careers and leave the land of writing behind? Or is the world of freelancing a part of my soul that I could never abandon? Dreams may not be the only way to make that decision, but the power that lies within them cannot be ignored. They are as powerful as the signs that get left upon our path by unknown hands.
And perhaps I should note that I had to explore all these thoughts via the power of words here in my blog. What does that say? Something tells me that I won’t be going anywhere any time soon.
How’s that for a poke back doubts!
How do You battle your uncertainties in writing?